Earlier this past week, Justin Bieber was two hours late to one of his concerts in London. I don’t know if anybody really knows why or actually cares, but it was apparently a major news story.
Enter Noel Gallagher, purveyor of wisdom and insults. Pretty much every time he opens his mouth it greatly offends someone, somewhere. (Love him.) People think he does this on purpose. Most of the time, though, it results from a journalist asking him a direct, often insignificant and irrelevant, question. Journalists do this because: a) they are actually not all that intelligent and incapable of formulating strong, relevant questions to ask and b) they do have some brains, however, and know that Noel Gallagher has an opinion on just about everything–and his opinions make good copy, drawing more people to their publications/websites.
For some reason, Justin Bieber being late to his concert was a topic of conversation in an interview with Noel Gallagher, and when Gallagher asked why Bieber was late and was told it was reportedly due to Bieber playing video games, Gallagher responded, “That’s not very rock’n’roll, is it? My cat sounds more rock ’n’ roll that that.”
That makes a very good headline, doesn’t it?
And it’s probably 100% true. If there is any cat who is going to be “rock ‘n’ roll”, then it’s probably going to be Noel Gallagher’s. But I’d like to devote this post to my cat and how “rock ‘n’ roll” she is. Because I can.
This is when she was just a little bitty baby. She was very, very cute. She still is very, very cute, but she is much bigger now. But this post is about how rock ‘n’ roll she is.
1. She poops in a litter box 97% of the time. The other 3% of the time she drops little turds wherever she wants. I don’t know how or why this happens. She gets excited and leaves the box before she finishes? Maybe. Whatever the reason, pooping wherever you want 3% of the time is pretty rock ‘n’ roll.
2. Sleeps all day. Parties all night. And by “all night”, I mean she decides to wake up and become active when I’m about ready to go to bed and then again very early in the morning when I do not even want to know that I exist. And once I am wide awake and unable to go back to sleep, she is…sleeeeeeeeepy.
And yes, I consider a VHS copy of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid to be a decoration. Robert Redford and Paul Newman are natural beautifiers.
4. I think Noel Gallagher once said that it was a rule for a rock star to wear sunglasses at all times, especially indoors.
She doesn’t own a pair of sunglasses, but she would totally wear them all day if she could. Because the sun is…just…so…IRRITATING!!…when she’s trying to sleep. Which is pretty much all day.
5. She has a personal groomer, chef, and trainer. (Me, me, and me.) Maybe she’s not so much a rock star as she is a PRINCESS!!
Okay, so maybe not. Maybe she’s cried the entire time every time (a grand total of TWO times) she’s had to ride (short distances) in the car. Maybe the ONE TIME I left her for about four days, she plopped down on my carry-on bag as soon as I came home, clearly stating that I was NOT ALLOWED to take that bag anywhere, ever, unless she was in it, too.
This cat does whatever she wants. Whenever she wants. Rock ‘n’ roll, man. Rock. ‘N’. Roll.
9. She is so so so SO cute. And she knows this. I know she knows this because: a) she acts like she is the queen of the universe 1000% of the time and b) I tell her she is the cutest thing in the world at least six times a day.
Because she is. Obviously. And that’s so rock ‘n’ roll.
In summary, Noel Gallagher’s cat is more than likely more rock ‘n’ roll than Justin Bieber. And my Ani is definitely more rock ‘n’ roll than Justin Bieber.
This is my favorite soap opera.